For the last few years I have struggled with the backlash of being in an abusive relationship. I've had very low points but I've also had high points. I overcame this and I am a fighter. However, if it weren't for the grace of God I don't know that I would be where I  am today. I've struggled with depression and anxiety because someone made me believe that I was worthless, that I was unwanted and that no one would want me.I don't trust people easily and I don't open up much. However, this is far from the truth. Thankfully I know that I am beautifully and wonderfully made and I have so much value thanks to God. That's not to say that I instantly realized this however, I don't think I fully comprehended that that guy's words were so false and that I did have so much value and I am loved so much more than I can ever imagine until this. I believe that we go through trials for a reason and I believe God does not give us more than we can handle.  I firmly believe that if I had not endured all the pain I did I wouldn't have such a heart for helping others. Hard times ultimately change us, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Without God in my life I honestly don't know where my life would've ended up after getting out of that relationship. I think the people who have hurt the most are usually the ones who want to help the most. I never want anyone to feel as badly as I felt or experience the pain I have felt. God puts people in our lives for a reason some people to teach us lessons and some people to help us. I'm so blessed to have a friend who understands and is constantly there whenever I have a breakdown even over the stupidest thing. At the end of the day I am not inadequate and I am not worthless. Although I do still feel like I am these things at times I do at least come to realize that I am not.  If a boyfriend(or girlfriend)  controls you and tries to dictate your life they are NOT worth it. It's not worth changing your career or sitting in bed crying because of cruel things that have been said to you. Even if you love them and think they will change they probably won't. You deserve to be happy and deserve to be treated right. Looks aren't everything, personality play such a big role. If a person has a pretty face but an awful heart but doesn't treat you right you might want to look elsewhere. If they aren't the hottest person on the planet but have a good heart and treat you right, give them a chance! One day our looks will fade and all that we will have left is the way you treat people.  I think personality is much more important than looks. How you treat a person is a good example of character. So be kind to each other, your actions and words affect others.

“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” - Romans 5:3-5

New Beginnings

Transferring to ACU this semester is honestly one of the best things that could have happened. I miss my Gphi sisters dearly as well as the ocean and California in general but I feel that ACU is where I need to be right now. Transferring into ACU I was very nervous, scared I wouldn't make any friends. However, this was far from the truth. God blessed me with great friends whom I love dearly. I decided to pledge a social club as a way to get more involved. Pledging was very tough, it drained me but it was so WORTH it. I am so proud to say I am a member of Alpha Kai Omega and Gamma Phi Beta. I am truly blessed. At Pepperdine I got to be a part of a sorority with such strong beautiful women. I am now a member of a club with strong and beautiful women. I now have two bigs both of whom I love dearly. This semester was filled with so many blessings but also many trials.  I was blessed with amazing professors who genuinely care about their students, an awesome RA who is alway there when you need her, a great roommate and a great group of girls to be friends with. I also had struggles, from a breakup to being sick with migraines for a month straight. The best part of being closer to home is I can come home and see my family literally whenever! (And of course, my sweet dog Mojo). Had you asked me when I started at Pepperdine last fall if I thought I would be at a different school this year I would have told you you're crazy. At the end of the day, I don't know what the plans for my life are. However, I'm blessed to serve a God who knows what the plans for my life are. I can honestly say I'm very content with where I am in my life. As a new semester is on its way I pray that I will grow in my faith and be a light to those who need it most.
For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

To whoever is reading this,
As I type this I pray that you would not feel alone. That you would know that you are loved by so many and most importantly loved more than you could even imagine by a God who was willing to sacrifice  the life of his son for you. Your anxiety, depression or whatever you are suffering or battling does not define you. You are more than it, no matter what the voice in your head tells you. You are the Child of the one true King and no one can take that away from you! Your identity is in Christ and you are so worthy! You are loved. You have value. You have a purpose! No matter how hard life seems right now they will get better. Unfortunately, it may take a while for them to be good again but they will be. I know things are hard right now and you may even feel like giving up. But don't! Know that there are people out there who love you and who want to be there for you. Even when it seems like there's no one. You are so much more than your anxiety or depression. You are more than the grades you make, than the mistakes you will make in your life. It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to ask for help, to reach out to someone. I pray that God would give you peace and give you comfort That you would feel at ease. If you're sitting in bed alone crying right now, I hope that you know that one day things will get better. That one day you will be able to smile again. If you feel you aren't beautiful or attractive I hope you know that one day you will find that person who thinks you're the prettiest girl or most attractive guy in the world. If you've lost a loved one, I hope you know that they're watching over you, they're in a better place and they're no longer suffering. If you failed a class I hope you know that it doesn't define you and doesn't dictate how good you will be at your career of choice. If you have just gotten out of an abusive relationship I hope you know it doesn't define you. That you know you're a fighter. No matter how badly you're hurting I pray that you remember you are not alone. That you cry out to Jesus and ask for his help. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Love,
Jenna